Queen of my Heart
by Selwyn
Summary: Set post-Flooded and Fredless, the secret meeting between Buffy and Angel


Queen of my heart Nutz Normal Nutz 3 19 2001-10-23T23:44:00Z 2001-10-23T23:50:00Z 4 2470 14082 117 28 17293 9.2720 

Queen of my Heart

TITLE: "Queen of my Heart" - Rated PG - B/A Angst, series 6 predictions  
AUTHOR: Charlie/Selwyn29  
EMAIL: selwyn29@ntlworld.com  
DISCLAIMER: Joss owns them and the emotional rollercoaster ride he puts them on.  I'm just here to try and flatten out the hills ;)   I also do not own the song, it is the new release by an Irish band called Westlife.

PAIRING: B/A

TIMELINE: A continuation of Buffy episode 4 – Flooded and a kind of sequel for "The Afterlife"

SPOILERS: Anything is possible... Up to the new episodes  
SYNOPSIS:  What I thought happened at the secret meeting.  
FEEDBACK: Come on, give me some help here, do you like it?   
RATING: PG CONTENT

DEDICATION: To Trammie and Mark my Beta readers who I owe so much thanks to.  Also to the people from the Bronze Beta who keep me company on the long night when I am up writing and inspire me with there comments, and give me far too many ideas so I have to write fic and not do my work J.  To Westlife for releasing the most perfect song to describe this moment.  Finally to all B/A shippers out there, however much you believe……….

His blood coursed through his veins and he knew his non-existent heart would have been pounding in his ears at this moment.  It took effort for him to lose his tight grip on the receiver of the telephone, it was as if his hand wanted to stay in contact with it, stay in contact with her.

She was alive.

He head began to process the information.  He hadn't thought about it since Cordelia had run into the courtyard screaming the news.  He hadn't thought about it for a second when he ran to the office and dialled her number through instinct.  Not even knowing what he was going to say to her, just knowing that he had to hear her voice again, hear the reality of what had been echoing through his dreams each night.

And when he had dialled the number, he had waited an eternity for her to pick up the phone, still waiting for someone to snatch this ray of hope away from him, waiting for someone to tell him it had been a mistake, it was all a joke.  Then she had answered the phone.

"Hello, Buffy Summers?"

And his world had stopped.  Dead.  His entire being had centred on the voice on the end of the phone, it sang through his body and called to his soul and his soul cried out in return.

He couldn't speak, couldn't form the words he wanted to say to her, how much he had missed her, how much he wanted her, wanted to be with her.  He just breathed, unnecessarily, funny how she always made him do things that seemed so unnecessary at the time.  And without knowing, without thinking he was some pervert calling, or kids playing tricks, she said the word he loved most to hear from her lips.

"Angel?"

No one could speak his name like she could.  People said it to him every day, Wes, Gunn, Fred, Cordelia, but no one could send a shiver up his spine like she did, make electricity fire underneath his skin, make him feel truly alive.

"Angel?" she asked again, softly, like for a moment she was suddenly scared it wasn't him after all.

"Buffy." he whispered back to her, his voice cracking with emotion.

She didn't speak on the other end of the phone; he just heard her breathing, coarse and harsh on the other end of the line.  The beautiful noise of her breathing, the last noise he heard in his dreams when she was crushed in his arms, asleep next to him.  The last noise he heard before he awoke alone again.

"Can I see you?" he asked.

"An hour?" she answered.

"Yes," he replied and the line went dead on the other end.  He had sat there for a moment, listening to the tone ringing out, and then he had put the phone back into it cradle.

His hand still lay rested against the phone when he snapped himself into consciousness.  He stood up, grabbed a jacket and walked out of the door, past Cordelia and Fred, past Gunn, past Wesley, without a word or a gesture, but he knew that they would understand, he knew they would automatically know what he was doing.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

He had realised as he was driving, that neither of them had mentioned where they would meet, but they both knew exactly where it would be, it couldn't be anywhere else.  Not in Sunnydale, not in LA, but somewhere between, somewhere they had been before.  Much like themselves.  It was impossible for them to be together in Sunnydale on any kind of standing, and the same with LA, but somewhere in between they still existed together, somewhere where they could shut the world out, where they could ignore all the problems, where it was just them.

A brief thought went through his mind, and in his thoughts of Buffy, it managed to take hold.

What if she had changed?

This was quickly dismissed, because he knew, however much she had changed, he would still love her, no matter what.

But what if she had changed in the way she felt?  What if she didn't feel the same way any more?  All his tumbling thoughts stopped for a second.  She had every right to, to decide to get on with her life, like he had asked her to.  Suddenly all feelings of jubilation at the meeting, were quashed with feelings of trepidation and nervousness.  He chastised himself for feeling that way, he was 246 years old.  No matter what, the meeting would be a joy, for he would see her again, and he knew that he loved her and that wouldn't change, no matter how she felt or what she said.

He looked up from his thoughts and noticed he had reached their place, he had driven on automatic pilot almost, and it was now or never.  He pulled his car up and parked it next to an all too familiar SUV.  He stepped out onto the ground and stood next to his car, drinking in the view in front of him.

The moonlight glistened off the ocean, the waves pounded against the sand of the beach.  And there, standing on the vast emptiness of sand, was Buffy, her back to him, staring out into the ocean.  He concentrated his hearing, blocking out the sound of the waves, blocking out the sounds of the night, and then he could hear it, solid and real, her heart thumping in her chest, pumping life through her body.  She slowly turned around, her long skirt billowing in the slight breeze, her body moved to face his, then her head turned and finally her eyes lifted up to meet his own, and in that split second when their eyes made contact for that first time, the world ground to a halt.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It had only taken moments for Buffy to tell Giles and Dawn what was going on, to change out of her wet clothes and to jump into her car and start the drive.  She had driven this way so many times before, it was almost automatic, but this time, it all seemed so much more urgent, so much more desperate.

She had pulled the car up to the broken wooden fencing and gotten out, leaving her shoes in the car, letting her feet be enveloped in the cool sand.  She walked out onto the beach and just stood, waiting.

She had sensed him before she had seen him.  That familiar tingle, that began at the base of her spine and travelled up her body whenever he was close.  She could never have coped if they had broken up and he had stayed in Sunnydale.  She couldn't have coped with that feeling because it was always her undoing, it sent her head spinning, her mind rushing away to long ago nights when nothing mattered other than him.

She slowly turned around, not trusting her legs, scared they might collapse from underneath her.  She allowed her body to turn first, meeting his, then her head and finally she raised her eyes and looked into his.  It felt as if she had been sucked into a vacuum, everything was gone except for the man in front of her.  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

For an age they both stood there, drinking in the sight of one another, familiarising themselves with every curve, every outline, every shadow.  The distance between them seeming all at once like miles and like only millimetres as their souls cried to one another.

Neither knew which one moved first, but slowly at first they walked towards one another, then faster until they were running, closer and closer.  At first, their fingers touched, then their hands, their arms and their bodies and they fell to the ground, on the soft sand, their arms round one another, their hands entangled in each other's hair, their lips searching and attacking the other's with a passion neither of them had felt in a long time.

They searched one another's mouths, touched their lips to their cheeks, traced their cheekbones, their eyelids, their lips with tiny butterfly kisses, memorising each and every contour once more.  

Finally they managed to break away from one another and lean back just a little.  Angel still held Buffy's face, gently cradling it in his hands.  His eyes searching hers and casting their path over her face, checking for any sign of injury or of hurt.  He traced his thumb over her eyebrow and down the side of her face, his eyes never leaving hers for a second.

"How could they have done this to you?" he asked, his voice betraying his anger.

"Nothing happened to me, I was just dead."  she answered.

"I didn't mean that, I meant how could they have brought you back, into this hell on earth."

"You know?" 

"How could I not.  Your soul is so pure, how could you have been anywhere, but heaven."

Tears began to flow down Buffy's cheeks, splashing onto her skirt, they began slowly and quietly, but as the flood of emotions washed from within her, they began to flow more freely and the sobs wracked her small body.  Angel enveloped her within his arms and pulled her into his chest, trying to crush the pain out of her.  She sobbed in his arms until she couldn't cry any more tears, and Angel held her until she had stopped, then he released her slightly so she could look up at him.

"They did what they thought was best." 

"I know, I know they would never do anything to hurt you, intentionally." he replied, wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

"And they can't ever know." she whispered.

"I was in heaven.  Or at least, I think it was." she began.  "And you…you were there.  And you held me in your arms, and I was safe."

Angel was quiet for a moment.  Then he spoke.

"You were in my dreams, we just lay together, making love and holding each other."

"You were really there," she said.  "I didn't just imagine you."

"No." he answered and kissed her forehead. "I'll always be with you, no matter what."

They embraced one another once more, and stayed like that, in silence, taking comfort in one another's arms.

Buffy finally broke the embrace and turned to look out to the sea. Angel wrapped his arms around her from behind, and pulled her back against his chest so that she was leaning against him, sitting on the sand.

"This is the first time I've felt peace since I've been back." she said.  "My house isn't mine anymore, my life isn't mine anymore.  The biggest choice I ever made has been taken away from me."

"You have to be strong for them, they need you." Angel told her.

"I know.  But sometimes I don't want to be the strong one."

"You don't have to be strong with me."

Buffy pressed her body closer against his.  She looked out across the sea again.

"It's been a long time since we have been here."

"Too long."

"You've never brought anyone else here?" she asked.

"No one.  This is our place."

"The one we found in our dreams." she giggled slightly.  But it was true.  When she had run away after she had sent him to hell, she had dreamt, had nightmares in fact, of walking along a beach and Angel finding her.  Then one night they had been out driving, trying to get away from the stresses of the Hellmouth and they had stumbled across this beach that was just like the one from the dreams.  Angel had recognised it too, from images played into his head when he had been in hell.  He had seen her, standing in the sunlight, walking along the surf.  They had used the image to torment him in those long years.  But then, when they had discovered this place, they had chosen to make it theirs, to make happy memories where sad ones once lay.  Any time they needed to get away from the pressures of their lives they would come here, and sit in the moonlight, waiting for the first hints of light to come above the sea on the horizon.  Neither dared to tell the other, that since they had been apart, each one had come here, more than once, just to remember, to live in those past moments, just for a short time.

They sat in silence again for a while.  Just enjoying being in the presence of one another. 

Buffy shivered slightly.  Angel wrapped his coat around her small body, his arms holding her even closer.

"I'm sorry." she whispered.

"For what?"

"Because I love you and I tried to move on with my life, and let you move on with yours.  But I love you."

Angel pressed his lips into the back of her hair.

"I love you too." he whispered back.

"We could stay here," she said.  "We could build a house down on the beach, and sleep all day, then watch the sunset at night and come out, walk along the beach, swim in the sea.  I could collect shells and make things to sell, you could catch fish for us to eat."

"I wish we could." he replied.

"But we can't." she finished.  "Because I'm the slayer, and you are the warrior, and our lives and our decisions are not our own."

"People need us."  

"But I need you." she said, tears threatening again.

"And I need you too." he said, voice cracking once more with emotion.  "I need you so badly, that sometimes I have to stop myself from just walking out of the office and coming to you.  But we have people who rely on us, people we can't let down."

"I know.  It just all seems so endless.  The only place in the world where I feel like myself is in your arms, and it's the only place I'm not allowed to be."

"One day."  Angel replied.

"Promise?"

"I promise."  Bending over to kiss her lips gently.

They sat on the beach, holding each other, until the first rush of light began to appear in the sky.  Then they stood up and walked slowly up the dunes, hand in hand.  Both knowing they had to part again and neither wanting to.  But this time, they knew it was different, that something had changed slightly.  They had tried being apart, tried to get on with their lives without one another and it didn't work.  So from now on, even though they could not be together from one day to the next they knew that it was only a matter of time.  Until then, they had the beach, the one place where they could pretend for a moment that their other lives did not exist.  

Before he left to get into his car, Angel pressed a card into Buffy's hand.  He kissed her on her lips, and gently touched her cheek, then he walked over to his car and drove away.

Buffy crushed the card into her hand and got into her car.  She started the engine and the radio hummed into life.  She took a deep breath and centered herself once more, calming her emotions, she opened her hand and straightened out the card Angel had given her.

It was a simple white business card with the logo of an Angel on the front, underneath was scrawled, in his handwriting, a mobile phone number.  She turned the card over, expecting to see the blank back, but instead, in careful black ink, were the words 'Queen of my Heart'.  She smiled to herself in the darkness and put the car into drive.  As she was making her way back to Sunnydale, a song came on the radio, the DJ announced it as a song for Juliet, from her Romeo, and as she listened to the song play, she understood.

So here we stand, in our secret place 

_Where the sound of the crowd, is so far away_

_And you take my hand, and it feels like home_

_We both understand, it's where we belong_

_So how do I stay, do I say goodbye_

_We both have our dreams, we both want to fly_

_So lets take tonight, to carry us through_

_The lonely times_

_I'll always look back, as I walk away_

_This memory will last, for eternity_

_And all of our tears, will be lost in the rain_

_When I find my way back, to your arms again_

_But until that day, you know you are_

_The Queen of my heart_

_The Queen of my heart_

_So lets take tonight, and never let go_

_We'll dance and we'll kiss, like there's no tomorrow_

_As the stars sparkle down, like a diamond dream_

_I'll treasure this moment, till we meet again_

_But no matter how hard, or where you may be_

_I just close my eyes, and you're in my dreams_

_And there you will be, until we meet_

_I'll always look back, as I walk away_

_This memory will last, for eternity_

_And all of our tears, will be lost in the rain_

_When I find my way back, to your arms again_

_But until that day, you know you are_

_The Queen of my heart_

_I'll always look back, as I walk away_

_This memory will last, for eternity_

_And all of our tears, will be lost in the rain_

_When I find my way back, to your arms again_

_But until that day, you know you are_

_The Queen of my heart_

_(Westlife, 2001, Queen of my Heart)_

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